I’ve never kept my mental health a secret from you, but I’ve never given you my official diagnosis. Lucky me, I’m Bipolar II, rapid cycling, with a co-existing anxiety disorder.
This is one of the hardest combinations of psychiatric problems to balance with drug therapy, but I have a psychiatrist who is excellent at prescribing these medications. Although it did take us a while to reach my current steady state, for the last few years I’ve been more steady, creative, and calm than I’ve ever been in my life.
Looking back now, I’ve come to realize the huge effect my bipolar mind had on my life. I lost money because I couldn’t work in the high pressure job I was trained for. Eventually, I had to go to part-time work because working full time was too exhausting. The range of what I could do became more limited, but I did try to find help. Long before I knew I was Bipolar, I went to our family physician for anxiety and depression over a period of twenty years. Our doctor was always willing to give me a new medication to try, and I’m sure I went through at least ten different kinds, probably more.
I knew I had a great need to make art, and I made an effort to carve out time for it each day. However, I didn’t know that by establishing a daily art habit that I was also creating a safe haven for my Bipolar brain to rest in.
Thirty years ago, I was working a lot of overtime at a factory job and my husband and I were still busy in the evenings and usually cooking dinner at 8 pm. We hadn’t been married very long, so it was hard for me to ask George to give up his time to support me in art making. I did ask him, though, and he understood that my request was for a larger need than just simple ‘free time’ for myself.
So, we decided that if dinner wasn’t done by 8 pm that he would step in to finish it, so I could draw for an hour before my 9 pm bedtime. When George did that, he brought me a plate of food, so I could eat and draw at the same time.
If my husband hadn’t stepped up and done that, I would have fallen like a stone. My Bipolar brain needed downtime every night before bedtime, and art time was my chosen creative need. Additionally, by taking that hour every night for several months, I developed an art habit that has stayed with me until this day. Only now that I’m in my sixties, I take a lot more time than that. :)
My daily art time has allowed me to develop this website, write and illustrate my book, and develop my drawing in ways I never imagined. My psychiatrist tells me that my art, and the time I devote to it, is one of the reasons I’m so high functioning. ‘High functioning’ is his polite way of saying that I don’t need therapy or hospital stays.
If you are a bipolar artist and don’t have a regular art habit, I suggest that you start one. It could be the refuge you need in a turbulent life. If you don’t think you can start with an hour, I gently suggest that you re-think that, because an hour a day is not a lot to ask for your bipolar needs. Make time for what you need now, and you will avoid future suffering.
If you’ve never made a commitment to art before, here are three books that will ease your way. They all approach the subject from slightly different angles. I’ve found all of them useful at different times in my life.
Big Magic
by Elizabeth Gilbert
If you ever doubt that it’s okay to make your art, this is the book to read.
Art & Fear: Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking
by David Bayles
He explains what happens when we make art so well that just leafing though this book takes the knots out of my shoulders, puts my feet back down on the earth, and my butt back in front of the easel.
The Blank Canvas: Inviting the Muse (Paperback)
by Anna Held Audetee
This book is aimed at beginners, but I think what the author has to say applies to any artist struggling with that blank canvas, paper, block of clay, etc., looking back at you.
My self-faith comes from years of steady art making. I know that if I draw each day, a piece of art will emerge eventually, and from this experience I know that any big thing is accomplished by a series of small things. I know this process works through me if I work though it. If you’re Bipolar, and you’re an artist, I really hope that you’re working toward building faith in yourself too.
Carol